Saints Stephen

It has been quite the week.  Last weekend Laura and I went to see anberlin play at El Corazon in Seattle.  I would have to say it's my first real rock show.  It wasn't my first show at a small venue (I saw Matt Kearny at the Crystal Ballroom two years ago), but it was my first rock show at a small venue.  I've decided I love it.  So much, in fact, that I'm going to go see The Classic Crime next month at the Showbox.  I'm really excited.  Anyways, for the anberlin show the Dial girls came up from Portland, so it was really good to see them again.  As I have returned to facebook, I have found that it is just as easy to estrange yourself from those close to you as it is to be closer to those far away... that being said, it was nice to talk about anberlin over facebook with an acquaintance from Multnomah.  It's nice to like something, such as anberlin, and to have someone to talk about it with.  Anyways, this guy I was talking to asked if I knew that Stephen Christian has a blog, which I did.  Then he shared with me this entry that explains why Christian wrote Dismantle Repair... sorta.  Read it, it's a good entry.  Then read the lyrics to Dismantle Repair.  I'm still trying to wrap my head--and heart--around the meaning, but I think it will unfold slowly.

Fast forward a couple days, I'm at work one night and I'm reading my Bible.  A rarity, I know, but I have been trying to get through the book of Acts.  It's basically a history of the Church from its birth.  So when I was reading a few nights ago I got to chapter 7.  What's gone on so far is the Church growing and growing in Jerusalem under the leadership of the apostles.  They kinda piss some people off, but are still seen as kinda harmless-ish.  When we get to chapter 7, Stephen, one of the apostles (and the one whom Christ named Stephen, which means rock, proclaiming "on you I will build my church"), has been brought before the Sanhedrin to be accused of blasphemy.  Well, the Sanhedrin (the leadership of the Jews) was full of crap.  They couldn't catch him in anything so they had to produce false witnesses.  And even when they were slinging all this mud at him, his face was still like that of an angel.  The chapter begins with Stephen's speech to the Sanhedrin.  It's pretty long, but that's because he gives the entire history of their people.  After fifty verses, he then calls them out of their hypocrisy: "You stiff-necked people!  Your hearts and your ears are still uncircumcised.  You are just like your ancestors: You always resist the Holy Spirit!"  He ends up having a theophany right before they stone him, overseen by Saul, making him the protomartyr of Christianity and later making him Saint Stephen the Martyr.

What does one Stephen have to do with the other?  I want to be both of them.

Stephen the Martyr was a leader, "a man full of God's grace and power".  He was rock solid.  He knew who Jesus was and found his identity in Him.  He was intelligent; when speaking to the religious authority, he proved that he knew just as much as they did, and yet he understood Jesus' message while it fell on their deaf ears.  So badass.

Stephen the Artist is transparent.  Painfully transparent.  Vulnerable, honest, aware of his humanity.  Can I speak like that?  Can I write like that?  Can I tell the whole world that which is only mine to know?  Can I put myself out there so far, knowing full well that I will be hurt, but know that I will life the most beautiful life?

I don't know if one Stephen has very much to do at all with the other.  But I want to be both.