September 22

I will be continuing my studies this fall at Green River Community College.  I look forward the classes I will take: Choir (finally!), Spanish (again, finally!), and Intro to Anatomy and Physiology.  Spanish I would like to take a full year of, and I'm only taking Intro to A&P because it is a prerequisite to take the two-quarter series of Anatomy and Physiology, so I think that this coming year I may only be taking the same three classes over again.  I guess I'm fine with that, I just hope I don't become too bored or restless.  There are many Spanish-speakers at my work, so I'm glad I'll have help there if I feel like practicing.  And my job is in healthcare, i.e. I take care of peoples' bodies, so that will help me apply what I am learning in A&P.  And choir, well choir's just a great outlet.

Good news!  I went to Kent Cornucopia Days on Saturday and I talked with a lady from the Kent Historical Society, and she said they need volunteers and that if I wanted to become a docent it would just involve a training session and then a commitment of once a month.  Can you believe it?!  I can be a docent!  I real-life docent, at a real-life museum, in a topic that is super-interesting to me!  Happy day, happy day!

Well, I must be off to work now.  I finally was able to buy new scrubs!  Have a nice day, Laura and Peter.

What I've Learned

So I feel that in the last few months I've learned lots, and it's all kind of come together in the last few days.  I mean, I've started to be able to synthesize them all and now I'm going to put them into words.

First, the most important thing I've learned is that I need to know what I want.  I need to be unafraid, bold enough to acknowledge what my heart is leaning towards.  I've been so afraid to say that I want certain things because I think that if I say them out loud, I am obligated to that statement for the rest of my life.  Here is an example from my childhood: When I was little I wanted to be a lot of things when I grew up.  A farmer, a ballerina, I wanted to live in China, serve in the military, everything.  And when I said those things out loud, my brothers decided to meld them all together and ask me how that would be at all possible.  A farmer in China who dances ballet and is in the Navy, or something like that.  They were ruthless, and they made me feel so stupid.  So since then I've just believed that you can only want one thing, or if you want more than one thing it has to all fit into one conceivable path so that all things fall together.  If you want to be a farmer, and you want to live in China, well then you clearly want to be a farmer in China.

Wtf?  That's bull.  I've now decided that it is perfectly fine for me to want things that don't align.  Really.  It is okay that I want different things and that right now I have no idea how they would all work out.  It doesn't matter.  I need to trust God, because He is the one who put these desires in my heart.  He put them there for a reason.  If they're meant to stick, they'll stick.  If they're meant to work out, they will.  But for now I don't need to worry about them all the time.  I need to focus on the here and now, because I may never have a future to live out all these wants of mine.  I must take the wants that I can have now, and have them!  I want to do this, I want to be that, well freaking do it Caroline!

Second thing I've learned... hm.  How do I put this?  I'm old.  But there's more.  I'm so young.  I guess I'm saying that I am happy with the age I'm at.  I'm happy for the twenty years I have under my belt; they were good years and I don't think I'd change a thing.  I'm excited about the future, though I cannot numerically quantify it.  I know it will be great, I just know it will.  It won't be easy, I know that for certain, but I am confident that the Lord has many great things in store for me.

I don't know if this suffices to show you all what my head has been bouncing around for the last week or two, but here it is.

I got in a car accident.

And I really don't want to talk about it. So please don't ask. But please, kids, don't text and drive.

I am in a play this summer. Kent's Icon Theatre (www.icontheatre.org) is doing Rogers and Hammerstein's "Oklahoma!" and I am a superdy-duperdy-awesome chorus member. I guess my name is Suzie, and I'm supposed to make myself a back story... more on that to come, I suppose. I'm having a great time, and I'm really glad to be a part of it. It's great to be singing again, let me tell you. But acting and dancing? Wow. Talk about two things with which I am not at all familiar. The acting is okay, since I'm pretty much in the background and just have to do some "shocked!" facials and blah blah blah like that. But dancing? Ha! I am honestly surprised I even got into the show because my dance audition was so horrible. But I'm working hard. Well, I'm working at least... "hard" is a relative term. Our poor choreographer, she must go home every night thinking absolutely wonderful thoughts about me (not). It's difficult. I'm not the most physically coordinated person, and when I have to perform something physically, it takes me a long time to learn it. And it seems that all the other girls have at least a little experience in dance (though some were probably born going from first position, to second, then back). I just feel so clumsy, but I don't want that to be an excuse... I really want to overcome that and do as best as I possibly can. It's making me have to focus really hard and pay attention, which, by the way, are two other things I am not fabulous at. I am easily discouraged, so I am constantly trying to pep myself up, even if it means telling myself I'm doing a great job but don't believe it.

Not much else going on. Oh yeah, new job. Well, I gotta get to rehearsal now, so I'll write more about that later.